I’ve been thinking for a few weeks. Thinking of something to write. Something witty, something relevant, something poignant. Nothing came, obviously. The problem? Well, I didn’t really know what I wanted to write about. I have plenty of options. I could write about the recent forays into LFR with my multiple 85s. I could write about how I haven’t touched my beloved Exlucis in a month or so, and how I was thinking about making him Alliance again. I could write about my leveling through Cataclysm and the slog it’s been. I could write about my journey through a PvP server and my anxiety towards world PvP. Or I could write about anything.
But I haven’t written anything. Well, anything blog-ish. I’ve been doing personal writing, as I’ve been doing a lot of personal thinking. Thinking about the direction of this blog, my gaming, my life. Thinking about what I want to accomplish, thinking about what I’m going to be doing 6 months down, 12, 24, etc. Thinking about what other things I’d like to be doing, other games, other guilds, other jobs, everything. I started to search my feelings to see where I was, what I wanted.
What I found was that I’m not sure. I’m not sure about raiding, about Horde v. Alliance. I’m not sure about Diablo III or LoL. I’m sure about WoW because of the Annual Pass, and I love playing the game. I’m just not sure about my skill, my aptitude, my patience for yet an other expansion. I’m not sure what I want to do with my time, with my life. I’m not sure of anything.
When I’m not sure about things, I get confused. I get lost, and I feel helpless. It’s very easy when you’re unsure of many things to feel overwhelmed with all of the possibilities, in game or in life. It’s easy to lose track of what’s in front of you. It’s easy to plan out your Survival Hunter’s rotations and gemming, but that’s not going to get you to max level. You have to put in the work. You can think about how much damage you’re going to deal in LFR on your newly minted Destruction Warlock, but you have to get geared enough to do that first.
I got lost, friends. I got lost on my way to the goals, and I am fighting through that fog like a mad man, frantic and, at times, seemingly alone. Because of this great community and support of you, who I call my friends, I know I am not alone. But you are not in my mind. Only I can fight my way out of this forest of “blah” and onto the path. It starts with one foot in front of the other, and it takes time. It also is vast, so it’s easy to get lost.
I am finding my way through this forest, and hopefully sooner rather than later, I will have something relevant to post about games. For now, I will leave you with a tip I left a few months back.
If you need help, get it. If you need someone to talk to, there’s always someone available. If you’re depressed, or thinking about taking your own life, you can visit The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also call their number at 1-800-273-8255. It may sound ridiculous, but in this life it’s easy to lose your way, and it’s hard to admit you need help. I am getting that help. One day at a time I am making my way through this forest.
So hopefully next time I’ll have something a little more upbeat to blog about. I won’t be drawing blanks, throwing random darts on a dartboard. I’ll have something relevant to say, although I think I may have done just that. Funny how that works sometimes.